Wednesday, December 18, 2002 »
The Tow Twoers!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, we saw it, and it was insane. I'm not referring to the movie itself, but rather the experience leading up to it. Since the tickets were for the first showing, at 12:01 Wednesday morning, we all showed up at the theater around 7 PM on Tuesday. Noah brought along a card table and chairs. We procured a decent spot in line, meaning it was not only covered by a roof but also further shielded from the elements thanks to a large column. After purchasing and consuming the pizza I had promised myself (others went to Taxi's), the waiting began. Noah and Phil played with their Magic cards. Ken read Sports Illustrated. I played Dragon Warrior III. (Playing videogames in line for The Two Towers is not necessarily all that nerdy, aside from the fact that you're in line for The Two Towers. Playing Dragon Warrior III in line, however, is.) It only took about an hour for me to deeply regret not bringing along a notepad (and gloves, it was cold like a banshee) of some sort to keep track of the night's events. So, here is my best effort to recount everything that happened in approximate chronological order, without any written record. You should prepare yourself for some progression-of-time humor!
7:00 PM We arrive outside the AMC 20 theater, print tickets and establish camp. Halfhearted jokes are made about how long we will have to wait. Ha ha ha!
7:15 PM Noah and I depart from the group to buy food. I discover a nice Italian place serving up a variety of pizzas. It is also warm inside.
7:30 PM We comment on the volume of the large Lord of the Rings fan standing behind us, shouting excitedly about what he's anticipating seeing in the film. He really can't wait to see the ents, you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah, man. But the Battle of Helms Deep, oh yeah, totally. It's gonna be sick.
7:50 PM With much of the pizza consumed, I realize there are still more than three hours before the doors open. Out comes the Gameboy and cards. We notice other people in line are reading books. Why didn't we think of that? Another group is watching The Fellowship of the Ring on a laptop. Yet another is actually playing some dice RPG in a circle.
8:00 PM The large and loud Lord of the Rings fan, having depleted the interest of the other line-standers he was talking to (he appears to have come by himself), sees Ken reading a Sports Illustrated article on cyclist Lance Armstrong. With great haste he seizes the opportunity to tell us, loudly, that he's a biker, and that's where he got this [scar on his chin]. Ken nods respectfully. Phil escapes to find sushi. I avert my attention back to the tiny, poorly-lit GBA screen.
8:30 PM After two or three agonizingly awkward minutes (it just felt like 30), the Lord of the Rings fan ends his conversation with Ken and discusses with others the relative merits of Star Trek versus Babylon 5. (I'm not making this up.) Phil and Noah have started a Magic game. Ken and I leave to search for people dressed as Gandalf. We are unsuccessful, unless you count one individual in a cape. Ken asks the guy in the front of the line how long he'd been there. (Answer: since before the line officially opened at 1:30. Jesus.)
8:45 PM It's getting pretty cold. Only two hours until they open the doors!
9:00 PM With a little under two hours to go, Ken and I get in on the Magic game. I employ my feared "Random Red" strategy. I lose gloriously.
9:10 PM The loud, large Lord of the Rings fan, shouting: "IF CHEWBACCA IS FROM ENDOR, YOU MUST ACQUIT!!"
9:30 PM It is really unbelievably cold. I can't believe I decided not to bring gloves.
10:00 PM Phil returns with Ben & Jerry's ice cream for everyone! We're idiots.
10:20 PM It is now raining. Boy, are we glad we're not stuck out under a not roof.
10:40 PM THE GATES ARE OPEN!! DOO DO DO DOO DOO DOO DO
10:42 PM Once inside the theater, we split into pairs and dash for strategic seating locations. (This operation was discussed thoroughly earlier in the evening.) YES. WE HAVE EXCELLENT SEATS.
10:45 PM Yes! Only an hour and fifteen minutes until the pre-movie starts! I buy Milk Duds, the quintessential movie candy. Phil and Noah sip homoerotically from a single soda.
10:50 PM A lot of people are taking flash photos inside the theater. Why?
11:10 PM A movie trivia slide featuring A Beautiful Mind receives angry boos from the audience. We determine that this is because of its victory over The Fellowship of the Ring at the Oscars. Lord of the Rings fans like to hold a grudge.
11:15 PM THIS IS EXCELLENT. All four of us (and one guy we don't know) are playing videogames on cell phones or other portable electronic devices. A woman climbing over us to find a seat laments that she doesn't have any cool games on her phone.
11:25 PM The house lights come on and are met with more booing. The large, loud Lord fan can be seen standing in the aisle looking for a seat. Also there are people playing with Lord of the Rings cards inside the theater showing Lord of the Rings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11:45 PM The lights go off again. This elicits cheers from the audience, even though there are still at least 15 minutes before anything actually happens.
12:00 AM It is now Wednesday. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers opens today.
12:03 AM The screen opens, the lights dim, and almost HALF AN HOUR OF PREVIEWS begins.
12:20 AM "It's Pol Pot's pool!" Noah secures a ticket to hell.
12:30 AM After five hours of waiting, the movie begins. We're still going to be here for another three hours.
3:25 AM We have now left the theater and are heading to the car. The movie sucked.
...
Ha ha! Just kidding.