Guns don't kill people, Paris Hilton kills people

Sunday, February 8, 2004 » link update

I was just reading through Ms. Hilton's new book proposal over at The Smoking Gun and I am now on the brink of Xtreme vomiting. I mean, just listen to this:

While a lot of people know Paris Hilton [...] there are a lot MORE people who want to know her – or be her. After all, she has a fairly charmed, magical life – almost 23, she's beautiful, rich, sought out by the hottest guys in the world, has homes in NY and LA, has her own hit reality TV show, has had roles in lots of movies, can shop where – and whenever – she wants; is cutting an album, models on the catwalk, has a gorgeous younger sister who's her best friend - and is now emerging as a major brand name. Let's face it, she's BARBIE come to life: svelte, blonde, with perfect skin and long legs, and a wild fun fashion sense. Paris Hilton has the life that most of America's young girls and teens can only dream about."

And it just goes on and on, for 13 pages. And that's just the proposal! I shudder to think that soon enough there's going to be an entire volume of this out there. Even just 13 pages seems unnecessarily long, though, because I already know the secret to becoming fabulously rich and popular, and I can explain it in one sentence:

Start a business charging a dollar to stab Paris Hilton in the face.