Why didn't anyone tell me this: Battle Course 4 from Super Mario Kart returns!!

I was disappointed when Nintendo stuffed Mario Kart DS full of retro tracks from older games and didn't throw this one in. (In fact, I vaguely recall pledging to buy a single-track add-on for full price.) But now it's here! I can finally relive the SNES days of skidding around in circles endlessly. And now it's even online.

Of course, sure, Nintendo kind of screwed up the battle mode itself this time around, with forced teams that battle until time is up, rather than when players are eliminated. I'm too happy to see this course again to really be bothered, though.

1 Grand Theft Auto IV

Here's how you can see it for yourself. Load up your favorite fake Web browser of choice1 and head over to VIP Luxury Ringtones. Then click on this link here:

You'll be treated to a few more downloadable fake ringtones for your fake phone. But then let your gaze wander up to the top of the window:

WHAT IS THIS BACKSLASH DOING ON MY FAKE WEB. Seriously, Rockstar. Here is a Web design geek calling you out. I expect that by Grand Theft Auto V, stuff like this will be a thing of the past. Not that it matters since now I won't even be buying it. My life of virtual crime is over!

1 It actually sort of looks like Safari.

Did you know Wake Island is returning to Battlefield soon? Battlefield 2142, specifically.

Also returning to Battlefield soon: me, and the ffs squad.

I'm excited.

I would link straight to it if it wasn't inside this horrible Flash menu.

ShoguNate2: WAAGH
ShoguNate2: whaddup
ShoguNate2: i have hella DVDz for you
KiyreEatsTrees: yo
ShoguNate2: because you did so much
KiyreEatsTrees: dvdzzzzzzz
ShoguNate2: want a billion?
KiyreEatsTrees: how did they turn out?
KiyreEatsTrees: got any photos i can see?
ShoguNate2: of the DVDz?
KiyreEatsTrees: yeah
ShoguNate2: um no
ShoguNate2: but imagine a DVD
ShoguNate2: with your artwork on it
KiyreEatsTrees: ok
ShoguNate2: instead of sending a DVD
ShoguNate2: i will send a photo of one
KiyreEatsTrees: can you get someone to record you putting the photo in the mailbox, and then send me a dvd of that?
ShoguNate2: yesh
ShoguNate2: djd
ShoguNate2: dh
ShoguNate2: dj
ShoguNate2: can you do me a favor?
ShoguNate2: and do some disc art for me?
ShoguNate2: it's for a movie
ShoguNate2: about a guy
ShoguNate2: putting a dvd
ShoguNate2: in a mailbox
ShoguNate2: i will send you the dvd
ShoguNate2: when it's done
ShoguNate2: AAARGH
ShoguNate2: PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE INVENTED
ShoguNate2: CHECK PLEASE

I got into the Battlefield: Bad Company beta and just got to play my first few rounds, a couple each on the beta's Middle East and Russia maps. The Middle Eastern map was a pretty cool place to start, since the commander shouting out orders in Arabic immediately brought back memories BF2. (I even recognized some phrases, which was weird.) I'm not a huge console shooter player, so I spent the first round trying to get accustomed to the controls. It would be one thing if it were just trying to pick up Halo or something, but trying to mentally re-envision the familiar Battlefield controls in controller form made things extra weird.

Eventually I got the controls down, although without any formal manual, I'm still wondering where things like the radio have gone. I'd hear (quite often) allied voices calling for medical help, but I couldn't tell if they were wounded, had just been killed, or (in the case of the former) if the person talking was actually me or not. I imagine the communication aspect of the radio will be eliminated in the full version when everyone (at least on the 360 version) has headsets, but it still had its uses for spotting enemies and locating wounded allies on the radar.

Speaking of that, you now auto-spot enemies if you look at them long enough, which is sort of a mixed blessing. I appreciate not having to spend that extra split-second to bring up the radio and click spotted before opening fire, but it was really unreliable whether the guy would actually get spotted or not.

The new Gold Rush gametype was pretty fun, at least. It's sort of a mini-Titan mode from 2142, where instead of whittling down the enemy base's shields so you can run inside and blow it up, you go blow up two crates of gold, which unlocks a new part of the map with two more crates, and so on.

The other big new feature of the game is the Frostbite engine's promise of fully-destructable environments. Well, DICE already admitted in interviews that you can't blow the floors out from under people and are limited to just shooting out walls. But, at least the destruction demoed in all the trailers looked pretty dynamic and awesome, right?? I mean, look at this:

Except in practice it's more like this:

This is not surprising to me at all, but it's still irritating that destructible environments have progressed so little since Red Faction back in the day. (Also, since The Legend of Zelda.) Not even all walls are destructable, either. I spent a few seconds starting to navigate around to a gate, when I remembered I had a grenade launcher and fired off a round at the wall blocking my path. No effect whatsoever. It's also strange that there are a lot more actual doors on buildings now, whereas, in BF2, if you had a structure with an interior it would just have an open doorway. Except instead of being able to press the action button to, say, open it stealthily, you have to unload on it for a second or two with your assault rifle. It's a good way to show off the new engine, but still a bit silly.

Tomorrow I'll see how the buildings stand up to a tank.

This is a guest post by the esteemed Flik Sandhu, current Webmaster of flik.com.

I just want to thank my buddy "Tom Hanks" for letting me have a guest spot on his most excellent of webpages. Below you'll find MY game of the year for every year since I was born.

1980 - Pac-Man: Apparently my parents owned an arcade when I was 3 years old (this explains my lifelong addiction to gaming, THANKS MOM AND DAD) and from what I hear, I spent many an hour standing atop a milk crate playing this game. I somehow doubt I knew what I was doing at such a young age, but this game is a classic.

1981 - Galaga: This was another one of those classic arcade games that I spent a lot of time playing as a kid. My brain is pretty fried...

1982 - Pitfall!

1983 - Dig Dug: I vaguely remember spending a lot of time trying to spell my name in this game... I could be wrong though.

1984 - KARATE CHAMP: This game was THE BOMB. I loved doing face kicks!

1985 - Super Mario Bros.

1986 - Bubble Bobble: I was completely in love with this game as a kid. ORANGE CANDY PLZ.

1987 - The Legend of Zelda: This game needs absolutely no introduction. Did you know that Dodongo dislikes smoke? It's true!!!

1988 - Contra: I prefer being Mad Dog.

1989 - River City Ransom: Javelin Man? Acro Circus? Naked man-ass in the sauna? BATTLE WITH DOUBLE DRAGONS???? BARF!!!

1990 - Super Mario Bros 3: If it wasn't for the visionary masterpiece "The Wizard" I never would have liked this game!!@!@!#$!@

1991 - Street Fighter II: It was a toss up between this and Super Mario World, but this game has had a much greater impact on my life. I'm a hardcore Ryu player TO THIS DAY. Man it was fun getting beat up by guys 6 years older than me because I whupped their ass.

1992 - Super Mario Kart: My brother and I basically spent our entire free time with this game.

1993 - Secret of Mana: To this day, the glorious 3 player SoM games I played rank among my favorite memories in gaming.

1994 - Final Fantasy 6 (III): This is the first RPG I've ever played. And I've been hooked ever since! Quite possibly one of the greatest games ever made in any generation. Sheer perfection.

1995 - Chrono Trigger: Thanks to FFVI I got to enjoy this masterpiece too! I think I ended up playing through it about 50 times. Frog vs Magus still gives me chills...

1996 - Suikoden: I skipped school for a few days so I could stay home and play this game. I'm not kidding. I rented it for a week and beat it 2 or 3 times (I forget which) because I simply could not put it down. Since that fateful rental, I've been a huge fan of Suikoden games, and have even used the online avatar of Flik since 1996.

1997 - Castlevania Symphony of the Night: Oh MAN. Worst voice acting ever has somehow found its way into BEST PLATFORMING ACTION ADVENTURE RPG THING EVER.

1998 - Xenogears: This was quite possibly the best year for gaming ever. I won't list every single amazing title from 1998 but here's a few: Final Fantasy Tactics, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken 3 (for PSX), Half-Life, and of course, Catz 3. When the dust had settled, Xenogears came out on top. This horribly flawed rpg was my favorite game ever for many years. Maybe it is because the game is just SO DEEP AND PHILOSOPHICAL, I really don't know. But this game touched me in a way very few works of art ever have. (Games can be art, so shut up).

1999 - Suikoden II: Take one of my favorite games ever. Now make a sequel. Uh oh, the game is going to suck! Except Suikoden II is basically what I consider to be one of the best sequels ever. Why? Well there was the surprise return of two beloved characters from Suikoden I, a secret cameo by the silent hero from Suikoden I, and basically an improvement in almost all facets (not music...) of Suikoden I. This is what sequels should try to do, and Metal Gear Solid 2 is what sequels should NOT try to do. Thanks for the lessons Konami!

2000 - Deus Ex: This game came out of left field. Thanks to Alex and his insistence to play this game I finally caved and hooboy, Deus Ex was great. The plot was very engrossing and the balanced gameplay is something more designers need to take heed of. The fact that you can approach problems with completely different, viable solutions was something I still look for in games. Sadly, not many games have this level of complexity in their design so I am not sure when we'll see another title like this.

2001 - Final Fantasy X: This is my favorite Final Fantasy game. GTAIII was a close runner up for 2001 because it helped re-define gaming as we know it. But FFX was an epic, personal tale that I could not turn away from. This game is exactly what I want from an rpg. I would say this game is perfect... but the HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, scene proves that wrong.

2002 - Warcraft III: This was the first Warcraft game I ever put any real time into. Suikoden III was also released this year but the sheer amount of hours I put into War3 put it into the top. It is too bad that the wonderful "Pretty Lights" strategy my 3v3 team employed worked for only a short period of time. I sure loved me those lights.

2003 - Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: KOTOR is easily one of the best Star Wars games ever. I absolutely loved the fully developed cast and the satisfying REVEAL!@!$#!# was a nice plot device. The battles eventually got a bit boring, but the plot and characters were second to none. Great game!

2004 - Grand Theft Auto San Andreas: Man, this game was just plain awesome. Nothing beats hopping from rooftops on a BMX.

2005 - Civilization IV: Hello Sid Meier, please give me my soul back...

2006 - Valkyrie Profile 2: This was a tough one. Suikoden V came out in 2006; and it was a great game which thankfully returned Suikoden back to form after the train wreck that is Suikoden IV. But in the end, tri-Ace won me over. The original Valkyrie Profile was a somewhat obscure but very excellent action rpg. Valkyrie Profile 2 is basically a super improved version of the original with wonderful production values. VP2 is just so damn fun, great game!

2007 - Phoenix Wright Trials and Tribulations: Any game that has such sarcastic and witty dialogue like this is an instant classic. This is the first Phoenix Wright game I've played and wow, I've never laughed so hard when playing a game. I thought OBJECTION! and TAKE THAT! were just stupid internet memes, but they really are catchy.